the beginning of the end
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
April 14
Today I did so much I took this photo at the last min before work. I went to the down with aussie, and then went for a drink at the 'ranch'. Phew.what a full day. It was so sunny and hot and beautiful.
April 13
I went with the flower theme again today because I saw this tree. Its one of those short ones where the branches spread out really wide. And the flowers were so pretty I couldn't help it. They were kida weird shaped too which I liked.
April 11
Trains make me nervous sometimes.
ive thought about it and im not sure why.
its not being on them, its something to do with the getting to the station,getting a ticket, getting there on time etc.
April 8
Maybe yesterday double yammy of excitement (new food and a celebrity) made today boring because Apparently nothing interesting happened today, as this is the photo I ended up with. Not that hes not interesting, just, well, you know what I mean
April 7
today we went to a new indian in pangbourne and it was soooooooo good. So good that celebrities eat there. The goalie from Reading FC- Marcus Hanaman. In all honesty, had I not been with fans, I would have thought he was your regular very day american indian food eater.
April 6
BEALE PARK DAY!!PICNIC DAY!!!I LOVE IT!!AMINALS!!!
Meerkats
Baby everything (inc a baby emu's!)
A HUGE rabbit
A very organised picnic-I was in charge of savory snacks
April 5th
The swan, on a beautiful day!
I thought the DANGER! sign is a bit funny really.first of all because it is quite obvious that there is a certain degree of danger.second of all because its so far out that by the time you seeit/can read it, its probably already too late.
April 3
This morning I had to drag Mr.M out for a walk. After some complaining and stropping, he cheered up cause we went into Sullum. We forget that the countryside is on our doorstep sometimes. We saw some horses in the next field, And I got so annoyed at myself for forgetting my camera. grrrrrr! so although i took this on Mr.M's phone, I wasn't allowed to take anymore. It was a nice walk, it was a bit windy but once we got into the trees it was ok.
Birds singing
Blue bells blooming
Trees creaking in the wind
Rabbit holes
A dead tree with white flowers blooming
A bomb shelter?!
April 2
Today is really warm. Not hot but warm with a warm breeze too. A mad dash out of work to the bus stop. Just as I get there one pulls up..its sunny and now im in a good mood!
March 31st
a lovely big fat sky contract landed on my doorstep today.i had to pace myself and get dressed etc before I sat down to go through it all.
It didn't work, I did it in my pajamas. Pretty good end to the month!
March 28th
Walked with aussie. She was, shall we say, feeling a little special. It was hot and sunny, but foggy for some reason.
March 27th
Actually managed to go for a full on walk today! i went with T* and it was so sunny and nice. I even got warm!
I imagined the people that may have lived in the huge houses, all Victorian and in those dresses with the big bums, walking down the path I was on using a sun umbrella. And horses and carriages with men with big hats in them.
Its so quiet up there. The further towards the edge you walk, the quieter it gets- the trees and bushes help drown out the road. If you look forward youd never guess your in the middle of a city.
I like it there.
So much so that I intend to do this walk again tomorrow.
March 26th
The intention was to go of or a walk this morn, whether it was nice or not. Bright but cloudy. So I walked to the top of the hill.
I went into a 2nd hand book shop and books from the section titled 'literary classics'. The ficton section was too big and I figured they are classics for a reason so why not?!
I thought about how on a Saturday (or two) in london I could pretend to be one of those terribly artists deep thinking people and go to old dusty second hand book shops and browse.
It was the weirdest thing, on the way up I bumped into SB, she'd just had an interview. She didn't think it had gone well. I think it probably went really well and she was subconsciously preparing herself for failure. shes so great I know shell have done fine and im sure shell get it.
So I walk to work at 5.20 and its sunny and orange and quiet and warm. Turned out to be a pretty nice day and a walk on the down would be lovely NOW. Then I started work.
I am feeling strangely mellow and a little bit out of 'it'. Whatever 'it' is...
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
March 24th
Today the Leeds company FINALLY emailed me and acknowledged that I wasn't going to work for them! Woo hoo!!!its almost totally official now, all I need to do is wait for the Sky contract to come. then I will happily sign on the dotted line.
Today was a big day. I spent most of it with Aussie. We had lunch with Boffy, and they announced some big news, a very very big move. Im happy for them, but sad I wont see them as often. She promised to visit me in London before she goes though.
So then we went shopping and went to the Avon Gorge. Back to mine to get ready and then off to spend OUR FIRST SATURDAY NIGHT OFF PRACTICALLY EVER getting drunk! Aussie treated me to dinner to celebrate my Sky achievements, and it was so sweet she kept telling everyone we met about it. These guys bought us some beers and we didn't really want them, so we played I have never between the two of us at to get rid of it quickly. The two men next to us looked at us very oddly indeed…
So off out! It was weird being at work and drinking. Some random guy told me he liked my breasts, to which I replied with a swift walk in the other direction.
Off to lounge. Bumped into loads of people we knew and I had such a brilliant time meeting random people with Aussie. One guy was wearing a sesame st. t-shirt, I was in love. We even managed to convince another guy that we were Canadian (with an Australian accent, that was quiet a feat).
Thank you for such an amazing night out, we musn't let it be too long before next one
Mmmmwwwaaahhh hugs and kisses to my Aussie xoxxoxo
March 23rd
So work was average tonight. Although we all sat down after and tasted the new JD substitute. It was better in my books although im not a huge fan of either.
T #2* can in after a ball at uni, and was soooo drunk that we could all just listen to him go on and on talking to himself and get lots of amusement from it.
"Stephanie, I am not some sort of fucking green pepper!"
"yea, youll appreciate that when its your birthday and your mums dead"
I took a video of him too so that he could see when was sober 3 days later.
March 22nd
Today I officially started my last piece of coursework, and managed to get quite a lot done too.ish. So anyway, I filled up one of my makeshift bowls with skittles and off I went. tappity tap tap tap.
I also had a thought- why is it that the colour you like best is always the least present? E.g. wine gums- your really lucky to get maybe 3 red ones. Skittles- the ratio of red to other colours is ridiculous and as for smarties, well they've just gone ahead and some making the blue ones!! IIIIII think, that they should make packets where you can just buy red skittles, and wine gums, and blue smarties, and so on. Then you would have to, of course unwillingly eat the rest of the ack when all you really want is the one, possibly two, colours.
March 21st
So today WAS sunny, but so so soooooooo cold. Jinx and I got the bus home after going to what was the last lectures of this term, and effectively the last 'teaching' (not revision) lectures ill have until me fourth year. I think the appropriate word is Woah. 'Woah'.
WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
March 20th
This is a foothill compared to the mountain of work that I have realized I have ahead of me for the next 2 months. Does anyone have one of those harness things? Ill also need a spotter...
March 19th
It wasn't just me who said the spring was coming, they all did. Now its snowing in places and ive had to rewind to scarves and layers. HMPH.
There's a huge row of daffodils, but its grey and cold. Its not right. Its like a mean parent saying oh you can have spring for a week, but then, oh, oh no, no you cant. Like the kid has been bad and now doesn't get the reward. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!
The child inside me is having a tantrum and demanding that the sunshine returns or else i will scream at the top of my lungs and embarrass you in front of everyone else until I get what I want. So there.
S.O*'s 21st birthday. Too many tequilas and 2-4-1 one drinks. I bought her a big chocolate cake which of course turned out to be in my favor too, it was soooooo yummy. A shameful turn it at 12, she didn't want a big night out, so instead we all drank a lot in a short space of time. effective enough I suppose. Well, actually, very effective.
March 18th
This is how I felt today, slightly dead and on the way out.
Pitty really, these were really nice before they died...
March 17th
Yes I know I haven't updated in ages but the picture up loader is being temperamental, SO im using one note to update writing and will hope the pics upload after.
Also today I spent some time looking at photos on blogs etc online, trying to get some inspiration so I can start taking better photos again. I think I just have so much going on right now itsa hard to remember to take photos. But ive got this far…
This eve at work I was for once, outside the bar. Taking photos!! I went round taking photos of the bar and customers etc to put on the HJB website, it was really fun! I also stood outside coercing people to come in with 2-4-1 cocktail vouchers- not that we needed more people in there, you could barely move anyway, but I suppose more customers= more shifts for me= more money for me!
I even saw a mini celebrity- one of the girls from skins.
We played I have never after work and stayed there till about 4, D* got cozy with a certain unnamed new bar back and we* aren't too sure what happened next…
Saturday, March 17, 2007
March 16th
I spent most of my day at work so naturally we get this photo. I spent most of the day rearranging the backback and having great fun with the label maker.
BT called in the middle of my split shiftto invite me bac for another interview. I told them i had actually already accepted another positiona nd that i was actually quite annoye dthat it had taken them so lon to get back to me and that they didnt bother telling me they had reopened applications. She made excuses and i corrected her, as she was actually wrong in what she was telling me. Theyre loss anyway.
It was JUST warm enough today to walk to work without getting cold in a no sleeves top. on the way to my second shift however it was really cold and i went back inside to get another layer.
At least spring is on its way...
March 15th
A fairly uneventful day, althoug a very welcome one. It was nice to slow down after such a manic few weeks.
Up early to meet jinx.
Updated blog after way too long of being way too busy.
Jinx came round for girlie films and sheesh, helped to distract her from her woes.
Up early to meet jinx.
Updated blog after way too long of being way too busy.
Jinx came round for girlie films and sheesh, helped to distract her from her woes.
March 14th
People are sooo different. I see someone in one way, other people see them COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY.
I miss the chat with girls, I want to live in a girlie house!!
After work at 2.00am, I can for some reason hear birds.
My eyes feel funny and my shoulder ache like hell. It wasn’t even THAt busy.
M* got upset today, we told him hes camp. He is. But hes really conservative, homophobic, gays are dirty kinda guy. I think that’s really dated thinking for someone our our age/generation, but hes ok with it so whatever.
Had a nice afternoon getting little things done. Although I STILL need to call the dentist. I don’t know why I keep subconscienly keep putting it off. I cant be bothered to wait because they take AGES to answer.
Fixed aussies coat that she lent me and made a cool brooch from an old quarter. I wanted a canadian one but I couldn’t find one.
I am brimminng with crafty ideas at the mo, and im loving that One Note kelps me keep track of them and I can cut and paste stuff I like. One day I want a whole room in my house to be a craft room. All nice white furniture and a big table to work on. Everything could be organized and have its own little place!!so for now, OneNote is like my craft room in my computer I guess.
March 13th
Audrey helped me relax after uni..
I told mum i got Sky today, and spoke to Arielle on MSN.
Mums emailled saying shes knitting me a blanket. I wonder what colour it is but i like surprises so i dont ask.
March 12
Again with the phone waiting for the vibrate.it doesnt. again, at 4 o'clock i call. the meeting is at 4.30. I cook dinner with Mr.M to distract me. It doesnt.
*Phone vibrates!!*
I GOT IT!!!!!!!!!
I choose a deptartment and get a start date and off i go!
WOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!
An extremly bad photo of myslef smiling alot. im happy and ont have enough time to find a photo that suits my mood today before work. wish id known what ilooked like first though. An orange ice lolly is of course brought out in celebration
Note to slef: get haircut
March 11th
Sunday. Only one more day to go.
Mr.M visited and we went to the pub quiz at Roo bar. We came 15th, but we wer eonly 10 points form the top. I had so much fun!
-I have no idea what he was saying but i stared at him to take in everything i could before he went away again.
Anticipation., I have to keep taking a deep breath to calm myslef down and un knot my stomache.im not nervous, theres nothing i can do about it now, i just want to know and sort my head out on what im doing.
Tomorrow.
March 10th
i spent the day getting aggitated.
'I want to know noooooowwwwwwwwww'
I cant wait until monday.
Ill have to though.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
March 9th
09/03Bristol is beautiful and sunny. warm too.
Officially spring I say.
Train is 15minutes late because some idiot drove into a bridge we need to go over. He may have been injured but my selfishness reined and I was way more worried about how long I was going to be stuck on this train. The woman behind me rang someone and said it could take hours. WHAT?!!i feel sick. Turns out to be 15minutes. I hope the man wasn’t injured.(actually who am I kidding? I don’t care, I didn’t want to be late).glad I left lots of time.
Sitting in star bucks Paddington looking down at people. About 10 people queue for 1 cash machine, 2 aren't working. I notice that the line starts really far back from the machine- am I mistaken? have a just witnessed politeness in London?
Interview went pretty well.everything I said was perfect but it was more of a chat than an interview, so it was hard to gage any reaction. I didn’t come out with that-I've totally ailed it feeling but I still felt good. The bus driver asked how the interview went. He soccer am presenter knew the bus driver. Everyone was so friendly, it was like team sky or something.
On the tube back someone was nice enough to point to the sky visitors pass I still had on. Then he took the seat I was stood right next to and had my eye on. I didn’t care too much, I had fabulous shoes on.
Covent garden stocked me up on Kraft Dinner and coffee crisps.
Why is it that no one knows where to look when on the tube. Its considered rude to stare but I find all the other people fascinating.
The thing about London is you have to pay attention. To what stop your at, to which way to walk down the platform, to who's stealing your bag. its all a bit tiring really. I suppose once you know it welland do the same journeys you don’t need to pay as much attention.
I REALLY want this job. The London living and the London job. Imagine the fabulous shoes I could strut around in all cosmopolitan like. Saturdays t the TATE and the V&A. I what to do all the touristy things, they're usually cheap and under utilized for people that live in the city I feel.
I'm scared because I don’t think I want to go to Leeds now, so I NEED sky.
London has this magical feeling. Especially at night. it always delivers charm. Does it look like that if you’re here all the time? Mind you, with my attitude and some fabulous heels, London will always have a place in my heart, and I think it will always deliver.
I was too busy with my thoughts and paying attention to scout for good photos, so thisll do untill im working here...
March 7th
Mr.M left today and I went to 3 whole lectures and then came back for a nap before work. Average day really. started to get onto cloud sky.
Went back with C* and Jinx from uni today, and saw the first daffodils this spring. Yay! one of my favorite points in the year. First daffodils.
March 6th
Estatic.
Jumping on the bed.
I GOT THROUGH SKY!!
Now just an 'informal interview' to go and ill know by Monday.
6 places 7 being interviewed. Good odds!!
TWO, that's right count them, TWO departments want me.
The morning is sunny and exceptionally bright, so is my mood.
Today was waaaaaayyy to nice to waste at uni, it was sunny and………….. WARM!!!!
Mr.M and I went into Clifton to get a strap from the nice blue watch man, he said to come back when Mr.M wants to 'do it'. You should have seen his face, its was soooooooooo funny.
Went to 0degrees bar and had mango beer.
For the finale we went up for a stroll on the downs, its was sooooo nice. Its usually windy up there and busy. But there were just a few old couples and no wind at all. Clear blue sky, very warm for time of year, and so quite and still. It was lovely. We had 99's from the ice cream man and sat on a bench while the sun started to fade. It was beautiful. We just sat there while the sun shone in our face, it was right in front of us. It was such a beautiful day, I had so much fun with Mr.M, its was nice to take things slowly and stroll around. Had an Indian in the evening and discovered a new dish that I cant pronounce.
March 5th
Had my phone in my hand all day waiting for it to vibrate to the calling of Sky. By 4.30 I couldn't wait any longer so I called her. She'll 'get back to me'.
Mike made cakes with a different symbol on them for everyone, this was mine.
I spent the evening clinging onto my dressing gown for dear life. I'm feeling sorry for myself even though I have no reason to and its really just my brains excuse for not doing anything and eating lots. I don't care. humph.
I found some mango sorbet in the freezer. yummy. Like pigging out on ice cream but not as bad.
Actually turned out to be an ok evening once id watched enough TV and zapped my brain into forgetting my woes and believing that if I don't think about them they might just go away by themselves. Like some people do with debt. ok. like I do (and others too!) with debt.
Chris's slightly impromptu visit to Bristol cheered me up though, and we had a nice evening.
March 4th
I spent the ENTIRE day reading the paper. And I have officially switched weekend papers. I am now a guardian reader. NOT a guardian believer (politically) I might add.
March 3rd
So I got an email from Leeds saying I have to decide by the 6th. That's like NO time. And I wont know if I've got sky by then. I have a sick feeling in my stomach and I have no idea what to do. I'm quietly panicking…
Had a really fun time at work, and I wasn't that tired after. It was Dave's last night, he's going Australia for the foreseeable future. I really genuinely miss him! He was really cool, and we got on really well, and he was totally in love with all things 80's and 90's, he even saw a Delorean on his way to work and nearly fell off his bike. Sooooooooooo jealous. So so jealous. Anyway, he said he'd keep in touch and I really hope we do. working with him really was fun, and he was funny. So I guess I may never ever see him again, which is kinda weird to think of, I've never thought that with a friend. Anyway for when I'm 30 and looking back- Get in touch with Dave!
Had a little whizz round the down in Toby's new wheels, I didn't notice till we went out how beautiful it was and how surprisingly warm! Springs coming!!!!!
March 2nd
Genuinely did nothing today. Except try to figure out how to use the new Office 2007 suite, which is, in fact, sweet.(see what I did there?), and decided that I will probly be sucked into using OneNote on every occasion as it is such a damned good idea.
BAD photo I know, but this is what I did today.
March 1st
03 already. scary.
6.30 am
Not too cold. enough energy to make it to the train. just. Then sleep.
Not too cold now- but Leeds is north
Slight regret on choice of jumper
I finally saw the man hanging form the window. Its pretty, like a real painting. Bottom of park street on the left by the bridge. Why are train stations always colder than the rest of the world?
The train stopped at several big cities. Pretty much everyone got off at each one, and then a whole load of new people to look at got on.
Virgin trains really give you a travelling experience, its like a plane on wheels.
-seats, colors, safety booklets, speakers with content.
I was finally one of the many to get off.
A lovely man informed me of the correct pronunciation of Gareforth, of which I'm still not sure. He also pointed me in the direction on my platform, 9D.long platforms
Will I take this journey 6 days a week next year?
So I'm not sure at all. I REALYY hope I'm offered sky, just so that I don't HAVE to take Leeds even though I'm not sure. I need to sleep on it. I need to sleep.
It's a big decision, it could make a lot of difference in the future. Although I suppose its all what you put in to get out. All of today's train journeys have made me feel a bit lonely (and tired) and I supposed being all emotional at this time doesn't help.
I wish I could think positively all the time. I get a little flash of 'oh it'll be fine, everything will be all happy and singing and sunny because ill be positive and make the most of it.' then I get a heavy wave of, come on Steph you know your not like that, its not true.
Maybe I should get one of those self help 'be more positive books'.
I'm lucky to have got this far with all three. Some people have got nothing. Which means I'm doing something right. and if I'm doing right now ill o it right later too. even better then. so both places would be good. BT isn't even in the picture right now. Plus ill have a years experience by then. ha-ha funny.
My mum would just go for it, and make the best of it.
I'm scared about me and Mr.M but that shouldn't stop me. if its meant to be then it will be.
He wants me to take sky
I REALLY hope I get in in time to get the next train. I hope I heave enough money for the bus. I have a sick feeling I don't
Am I getting to used to waiting and travelling these days or is my patience increasing?
JUST got on the train after the door shutting in my face and running to the front of the train.
Closing Thought:
9.55pm on the Number 8
Ok, so I recognize I can get really annoyed even when there's nothing I can do. Maybe that's why it annoys me. BUT I have grown in the way that I can help myself out of the frustrated moods I get into more easily. A few grunts (and sometimes a pretend toddler tantrums) and getting so annoyed makes me giggle. yes giggle. And just for the record that requires a smile.
Its funny, the smallest things can lift me out of a mood. I met someone on the train who was from Leeds, visiting Bristol. A pleasant conversation a few laughs, a friendly goodbye.
I have no idea what his name is but funnily that's not uncommon when you meet people when travelling. At the end of the year I will remember him (well I will now) as the guy who made me forget about things for a little while- I have been alone with my own thoughts for too long today. Thanks.
Feb 28
Why only 28? Why Feb?
Bus to Station.
Train to Brighton
Train to Reading
Train to Exeter
Car to Bristol
Car to Reading
Car to London
Car to Reading
Car to Bristol
Bus to Uni
Bus Home
NAP IN MY OWN BED!
When driving into Bristol:
We went towards the light in the sky where it wasn't raining. Its was like we were returning to heaven. We talked about salaries and he said he wont get a bonus. I said he will someday. Cliché I know but a glimpse of the future flashed up with him moving to another job etc, it was as if it was actually real. Odd. But OK.
So its now the end of Feb. that's 2 whole months without forgetting to take a photo.im so busy at the mo they're all really rubbish, but I suppose I didn't do this for quality photos.
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